When I got to the UI Spine Center, I was in a cave of despair. I was full of self-pity, isolation, anger, depression, and intense pain. My negative outlook on life dominated me. My view of reality was tainted and I had become a completely different person. I was a hostage to fear and I had lost all hope. I had no life. I was disconnected, over-medicated, and living in a cloud of continual fear. I had become just a small portion of the man I once was.
My life had been going great until 1988, when I was in a head-on car crash and later had back surgery where I had a fusion that didn’t work and I had severe pain. I had a second surgery that only created more pain and didn’t address the problem from the first surgery.
I was in constant pain. Probably the worst thing of all, for me, was the pain medications, muscle relaxants, sleeping pills and the duragesic pain patch that I was given. These medications changed who I was. I was depressed, had panic attacks and amnesia - the results of these medications on me was horrifying.
I felt that I had simply fallen through the cracks of medicine. I retired from my job as a tool grinder in 1997. I had a third surgery in 2003 at UI Hospitls and Clincs to repair the problems from my first two surgeries. I was still in pain and I was referred to the UI Spine Center.
At first I was skeptical about the program. But soon I realized that I was finally with a group of other patients who understood my extreme pain and with the staff of professionals who knew how to help me and believed in me.
In the psychology portion of the program, I was taught coping skills for pain management and that was key for me to understand that my way of thinking about chronic pain was immobilizing me, I had stopped living and was drowning in self-pity. I learned that there is a lot that you can do (way more than you think) to improve the quality of your life.
Your mind can override and disconnect with pain in many ways that most people don’t have any idea is possible. I re-evaluated my way of thinking and behaviors that were contributing to my pain and I learned to change them. In physical therapy, I learned about the role of stretching, activity modification, strength training, and cardiovascular exercise needed to get going again. I finally understood how to get strong again and the importance of exercise in releasing your natural pain fighters.
I now think differently and my behavior has changed too – I have a good quality of life now! Helping others has been a great way to decrease my focus on pain and increase my self-worth. I have reclaimed my life. After I left the Spine Rehabilitation Program I went back to fishing and I caught the Iowa state record goldeye. I was able to travel again and play with my grandchildren. My amazing wife and I have a great social life again.
I am now an associate pastor and mentor, and I have an active prison ministry, jail ministry, retirement home ministry and I have co-authored a Bible study. I consider my journey from complete despair to living a full life again as God’s wake-up call to me to use the skills I was taught at the UI Spine Center, get going again and do the things that I was intended to do with my life to impact others. I am living life to the max and loving it!
If you are sitting around feeling sorry for yourself and focusing on your pain -- you are missing it! The question to ask yourself is – do you want to get out of your “cave” and take back control of your life? If so, then you need to know that there is hope and there are people who can teach you what you need to know to put pain back in its place and get a life!
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