Last year the Iowa Crisis Hotline took over 82,000 calls for domestic abuse and sexual assault. Since 1995, 193 Iowans have been killed as a result of domestic abuse. Jay Cayner, MSW, director of the Department of Social, Patient and Family Services at UI Hospitals and Clinics, talks about domestic abuse:
What is domestic violence or domestic abuse?
It's very complicated and understanding it is important. Researchers and people who are active in the field believe that it is a pattern of violent and abusive behavior that one person uses to gain control in either their current relationship or a former intimate relationship.
Is a domestic violence victim always female?
No, it is an incident that occurs to both men and women. Let me share some statistics. At the outset you talked about 193 Iowans who had been killed in domestic abuse homicides. In that period of time:
- 124 of those were women
- 23 were men killed by their partners
- 46 were bystanders, including 20 children
- 151 minor children survived the murder of their mother or father
- 62 of these children were present at the scene of their parents' murders.
So this is something that affects everybody.
Are victims of domestic violence poor, uneducated, or belong to a certain ethnic, religious, or personality group?
I want to clarify the preponderance of people being abused are women. Statistics suggest that most of the violence is committed against women.
Anybody across the socioeconomic spectrum is capable of being in a situation where they're going to use abusive or violent behavior to control another person. This is not restricted to any group, per se.
All the evidence and all of our experience tells us that this can happen in any socioeconomic background. Obviously, poverty can affect this, but generally speaking—anybody.
Why do batterers batter?
It's about obtaining control over the other person. They use physical abuse, or emotional abuse, or sexual abuse, intimidation, isolation. All are elements or things that happen that the batterers do, are designed to have power and control over the person they are abusing.
Are batterers mentally ill, substance abusers, stressed out, or just angry people?
All those are possibly part of the reason why people become abusers. Any of those can contribute, but abusers are distinguished by the fact that they are looking at controlling another person and using inner-personal power to do so. It is not related solely to being mentally ill, or substance abuse. Obviously, these can contribute, but the real nexus of the issue is the control over another person.
Is the victim's behavior ever the cause of the abuse in a relationship?
This is certainly one of the explanations an abuser might use to defend their behavior. There are certainly victims who believe that they contribute to this, but the facts are that it is the person who is using the power and control.
Why don't victims of domestic abuse leave the situation?
It's not very easy. Many people get married or they're involved in a relationship and they see it as forever. There's a bunch of practical issues:
- Economic dependence—who's going to support her and a child
- Parenting—I really can't do this by myself
- Religion
- Extended family pressure to keep families together
- Fear of being alone
- Loyalty
- Fear the partner will commit suicide
- Further denial of the situation—you know, it's really not that bad
Believe it or not, love is a major factor, as well. Often the partner is loving and lovable when they're not being abusive. Folks are in these relationships and they've really sworn to stay married until death do us part.
I think another factor is responsibility and shame, and I think hope. All human beings are always optimistic; they think things will get better, in spite of evidence to the contrary.
If you are in danger in an abusive relationship, what steps can you take to get out of that relationship?
- Have a plan—a safe plan, a safe place
- Keep any evidence of physical abuse, such as pictures, in a safe place that's accessible
- Have a plan, know where you're going to go to get help
- Tell someone you trust what's happening to you
- If you're injured, go to an emergency room and report what happened
- Plan with your kids for a safe place
- Contact your local battered women's shelter and find out about laws and resources that are available in your community
- Keep a journal of all the violent incidents that occur
- Acquire job skills so you can become more economically independent
Locally, we are really blessed with having a wonderful agency, the Domestic Violence Intervention Program. They operate a 24-hour a day hotline, 24-hour a day safe shelter, advocacy services, and youth support services.
This is a remarkable program and it can really help people who are in these desperate situations. |
