Health Topics for Child Health and Development

UI Children's Hospital

UI Family Care Centers

Divisions Within the Department of Pediatrics

Iowa Registry for Congenital and Inherited Disorders

What does "no" mean to a toddler??

A toddler's world has no limit until the first negative warning is given. The word "no" introduces a new level of communication. It conveys the idea of prohibition. "No" can mean many things to a toddler, depending on how the concept is presented. Parents say "no" to protect toddlers from causing harm to themselves, others, or things in their surroundings.

Toddlers are naturally inquisitive and want to explore. They do not understand potential dangers or the parents' restrictions. A toddler's persistence is out of curiosity, not a desire to frustrate the parents. It is a natural step for developing independence. By age 2, toddlers seem to say "no" automatically. They may seem contrary, impossible to handle, and constantly opposed to anything parents say or do. This is how they assert their growing independence.

A child's emotional development can be affected by the limits parents set. Parents who always shout "no" put their child at a great disadvantage. The toddler that never gets to touch anything may, at an older age, not feel free to try anything new. On the other hand, a world with no limits can lead to serious injury and foster a spoiled child who never learns boundaries.

Balance is the key. Do not be overprotective or under-protective. Allow toddlers to self-test and explore. Comfort and reassure them when things go wrong. A child's sense of right from wrong develops gradually. At first, they fear parental disapproval, so their undesirable behaviors are not continued. In time, a child knows what is right or wrong because of how it feels.

Try these tips to ease the challenge of teaching and protecting toddlers:

• Change the environment, not the child. Spread newspaper under the high chair to keep food off the floor. Install a safety gate to keep them out of dangerous areas or off the stairs. Keep pets away. Place store bought latches on the refrigerator and toilet seats. Cover electrical outlets.
• Don't over use the word "no." Instead, remove items from their reach. Toddlers are easily diverted by bringing their attention to another object or by moving them elsewhere.
• Show a toddler how to do something, instead of forcing them.
• Do not hit or punish your toddler for saying "no."
• Pick your battles wisely. Insist on what is truly important and which battles you can win. Let minor things go by.
• Give the toddler choices when possible. A sense of freedom and control will make them more likely to cooperate.
• Have many positive interactions each day and go easy on rules.

Last Reviewed 2005

Disclaimer: This content is reviewed periodically and is subject to change as new health information becomes available. The information provided is intended to be informative and educational and is not a replacement for professional medical evaluation, advice, diagnosis or treatment by a healthcare professional.

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