Health Topics for Child Health and Development

UI Children's Hospital

UI Family Care Centers

Divisions Within the Department of Pediatrics

Iowa Registry for Congenital and Inherited Disorders

Terrible twos

Independence and individuality begin to emerge in 2-year-olds. They always want to explore the extent of their new-found personal power. They often say "no" to every request, test limits, and resist control. This period, of what may seem at times to be total negativity, is often called the terrible twos. Bossiness, temper tantrums, and imitation are common behaviors.

Two-year-olds are passionate about getting their own way. They want to do things for themselves, like run (without constantly falling) and climb up stairs or chairs. They want to be in charge of what they wear and eat, where they go, and what they do. A toddler's bossiness is a method of testing how much power he or she really has.

Toddlers will do things purposely to anger parents because they want to know that they are loved even when they misbehave. They are great imitators of behavior that they see and hear. If the parents tend to be bossy, so will the child. Handle bossiness with firmness and kindness. In time, children will see that there are better ways than demanding to get what they want.

Try these strategies to avoid problem behavior and help develop a happy, well behaved, and independent child:

• Relax and approach your child with understanding and humor. Remain firm when necessary.
• Introduce sensible limits. Give your child a positive option when saying no. Offer compromises such as, "I will let you have one cookie, but not three," or suggest alternatives such as, "you cannot run in the parking lot, but you can run around the yard when we get home."
• State choices to avoid "no" answers. This meets your need and also gives the child something he wants. For example, do not ask if the child wants to go to the park. Instead, ask "Do you want to play on the swing or the slide when we get to the park?"
• When it is safe to do so, let the child be in charge.
• Discipline by guiding the child into suitable behavior, not by punishing.
• Use your authority only on the larger issues.
• Be patient. This period does not last forever.

Last Reviewed 2005

Disclaimer: This content is reviewed periodically and is subject to change as new health information becomes available. The information provided is intended to be informative and educational and is not a replacement for professional medical evaluation, advice, diagnosis or treatment by a healthcare professional.

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